Top Thanksgiving Foods 2019

November 10, 2019

It’s that time of year again, and this past Thanksgiving has brought much debate over food. Never before have there been so many heated disagreements over one’s taste buds. In order to clear this...

Top Five Summer Vacation Spots

May 31, 2019

Similar to the satirical publication The Onion, The Artichoke's goal is to enlighten via satire and humor.      Why go on vacation to Aruba when you have these inexpensive and fun options...

Senioritis Explained

Senioritis Explained
February 4, 2019

I really didn’t feel like writing this article, so I decided to write mine about the very serious, non-diagnosed, senioritis. This awful disorder consumes nearly all seniors who just want the school...

Affordable Gifts for the Holidays

December 18, 2018

With Christmas fast approaching, it’s is time to start thinking about giving presents. Today, we will be helping you out, giving you the top five useful and affordable products that will leave your friends...

Look at me – I’m Trump! Could I be More Excited for this Meeting?

June 12, 2018

Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un have finally seemed to pick a place to meet after much discussion over multiple possibilities like Disney World, Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry, and Switzerland....

Warriors Conspiring to Take Out Lebron James to Force Cavalier Forfeit in Finals

June 12, 2018

During the NBA Finals media day, Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr gave a hint that taking on Lebron for the fourth straight year in the Finals wasn't going to be too difficult this year....

Costume Ideas For Every Family Member

October 25, 2017

Well dear readers, Halloween season is here, and along with it, the paralyzing anxiety of not knowing what to dress up as. Never fear, because today we're here find you and every member of your...

Water Coolers Revisited: What’s next for Towson’s top source of refreshment?

June 6, 2017

Becky got a surprise promposal from her dream date. Danny scored the winning buzzer-beater shot in the big game. Jeff got a 1550 on his SAT! As the sun is begins to set over another school year, many...

Heroic Bystander Stops Banana Peel Ambush Outside Hillary Clinton Office

Heroic Bystander Stops Banana Peel Ambush Outside Hillary Clinton Office
December 20, 2016

Similar to the satirical publication The Onion, The Kumquat’s goal is to enlighten via satire and humor. Last weekend, there was an attempted ambush outside of Hillary Clinton’s campaign office...

My New INSANE Weight Gain Program

December 20, 2016

As I walk through the halls of Towson High, I am constantly bumping into puny underclassmen with zero muscle mass, sending them flying into each other like bowling pins. What they need is my NEW SUPER...

Flacco for Pryor: A Good Move?

Flacco for Pryor: A Good Move?
December 5, 2016

Similar to the satirical publication The Onion, The Kumquat’s goal is to enlighten via satire and humor. In a surprise move late Sunday, the Ravens have traded Joe Flacco away to the division opponent...

Five Exceptional Halloween Costume Ideas

October 30, 2016

    Halloween is just around the corner, and many poor souls just can’t make up their minds on what to dress up as this season. If you’re one of these unfortunate individuals fret no...

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