Students Counting the Days Until School Starts Again to Receive New Devices
June 12, 2018
Filed under The Artichoke
It's a bird! It's a plane! Nope... it's just another "device." Students can't wait to receive the newest hunk of metal from which they will be receiving their education in the 2018-2019 school year. Pupils are anxiously choosing outfits that will go perfectly with the bulky computer bag that will hang around their neck and hold their most prized possession....
Look at me – I’m Trump! Could I be More Excited for this Meeting?
June 12, 2018
Filed under The Artichoke
Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un have finally seemed to pick a place to meet after much discussion over multiple possibilities like Disney World, Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry, and Switzerland. Ultimately, Singapore was chosen - no teacup rides, wizard training or sipping on some of...
Warriors Conspiring to Take Out Lebron James to Force Cavalier Forfeit in Finals
June 12, 2018
Filed under The Artichoke
During the NBA Finals media day, Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr gave a hint that taking on Lebron for the fourth straight year in the Finals wasn't going to be too difficult this year. "Lebron is getting up there in age, and when that happens, badly timed injuries are truly devastating,"...
Costume Ideas For Every Family Member
Braden Hamelin, Staff Writer
October 25, 2017
Filed under The Artichoke
Well dear readers, Halloween season is here, and along with it, the paralyzing anxiety of not knowing what to dress up as. Never fear, because today we're here find you and every member of your family the costume ideas to send you out looking like champions. For the more festive readers, some people will try to tell you it's not Christmas season yet, it isn't even near Thanksgiving, but no, don't listen to them. For you, it's always ...
Water Coolers Revisited: What’s next for Towson’s top source of refreshment?
June 6, 2017
Filed under Showcase, Student Life, The Artichoke
Becky got a surprise promposal from her dream date. Danny scored the winning buzzer-beater shot in the big game. Jeff got a 1550 on his SAT! As the sun is begins to set over another school year, many students are reflecting on the many exciting events that happened during the past school year. Al...
Heroic Bystander Stops Banana Peel Ambush Outside Hillary Clinton Office
December 20, 2016
Filed under Showcase, The Artichoke
Similar to the satirical publication The Onion, The Kumquat’s goal is to enlighten via satire and humor. Last weekend, there was an attempted ambush outside of Hillary Clinton’s campaign office in Brooklyn, New York. A banana peel was spotted sitting on the sidewalk waiting for Hillary to pass b...
My New INSANE Weight Gain Program
December 20, 2016
Filed under The Artichoke
As I walk through the halls of Towson High, I am constantly bumping into puny underclassmen with zero muscle mass, sending them flying into each other like bowling pins. What they need is my NEW SUPER INSANE WEIGHT GAIN PROGRAM EXTREME. I used to be a small little pip squeak. Now, I can’t stop getting...
Flacco for Pryor: A Good Move?
Braden Hamelin, Staff Writer
December 5, 2016
Filed under Showcase, The Artichoke
Similar to the satirical publication The Onion, The Kumquat’s goal is to enlighten via satire and humor. In a surprise move late Sunday, the Ravens have traded Joe Flacco away to the division opponent Browns for receiver and former quarterback Terrelle Pryor. Clearly unhappy with the subpar seaso...
Five Exceptional Halloween Costume Ideas
Nicholas Wynn, Staff Writer
October 30, 2016
Filed under The Artichoke
Halloween is just around the corner, and many poor souls just can’t make up their minds on what to dress up as this season. If you’re one of these unfortunate individuals fret no longer! Here are five original costume ideas to save yourself from the trap of boring drab. ...
Best Mullets of Towson High
October 5, 2016
Filed under The Artichoke
The mullet is undoubtedly the best hair style of the modern era. Nothing says “business in the front, party in the back” quite like it. Only a special kind of man is able to contain the great power and awesomeness of the mullet. So today, we are here to recognize the best mullets of Towson High. Nicholas Wynn It...
The Only Game You Should Ever Play
April 10, 2016
Filed under Showcase, The Artichoke
If you haven’t played Slime Soccer yet, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. It’s the game that’s taking Towson High School by storm and I’m here to give you to the tips and tricks you need to defeat your foes and become a Slime Soccer Champion. Head on over to http://mollerhoj.com to get started. Here are few th...
Leonardo Winning an Oscar is the End of the World
March 20, 2016
Filed under The Artichoke
The night of the Oscars was going according to plan until the winner for Best Actor was announced. The Academy issued an apology on February 29th the day after the Oscars were televised for the world to see. They were forced to apologize because of the public backlash that was the result of an Osca...
Loading ...June 12, 2018
The end of the year is approaching which means students are eager to leave school as quickly as possible. With sunny days and warm weather, it's difficult to resist the urge...
May 4, 2018
Has this ever happened to you? You're sitting in...
Stranger Things 2: Frighteningly Good sequel?
May 2, 2018
Stranger Things season one was a unique show set in the...
March 7, 2018
Half asleep, I arrive to school at 7:40, barely making...
Ellie Matson, Staff Writer
May 24, 2018
The week that SAT scores are revealed tends to become the most stressful week of a high school junior's career. Most juniors believe the score they receive determines...
May 2, 2018
As a high school senior prepared to leave, seeing...
May 2, 2018
As gun violence becomes more prevalent in the United...
Teachers Must Be Armed, And Not with Guns
May 2, 2018
On February 14, 2018, seventeen innocent people lost...
