Top Five Summer Vacation Spots
May 31, 2019
Similar to the satirical publication The Onion, The Artichoke's goal is to enlighten via satire and humor. Why go on vacation to Aruba when you have these inexpensive and fun options right in your own backyard? 5 Port Discovery Want to relive some of your favorite child...
Senioritis Explained
Milo Fisher, Staff Writer
February 4, 2019
I really didn’t feel like writing this article, so I decided to write mine about the very serious, non-diagnosed, senioritis. This awful disorder consumes nearly all seniors who just want the school year to be over, before the reality of the real-world hits. As the end of the 2nd quarter looms, the Senioritis becomes increasingly worse. More seniors care less and less about their grades. After these students are accepted to the col...
Affordable Gifts for the Holidays
Glenn Young, Staff Writer
December 18, 2018
With Christmas fast approaching, it’s is time to start thinking about giving presents. Today, we will be helping you out, giving you the top five useful and affordable products that will leave your friends and family amazed. #5 Inflatable Reindeer Playing Leapfrog - $59.99 Admit it, you a...
Look at me – I’m Trump! Could I be More Excited for this Meeting?
June 12, 2018
Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un have finally seemed to pick a place to meet after much discussion over multiple possibilities like Disney World, Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry, and Switzerland. Ultimately, Singapore was chosen - no teacup rides, wizard training or sipping on some of...
Warriors Conspiring to Take Out Lebron James to Force Cavalier Forfeit in Finals
June 12, 2018
During the NBA Finals media day, Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr gave a hint that taking on Lebron for the fourth straight year in the Finals wasn't going to be too difficult this year. "Lebron is getting up there in age, and when that happens, badly timed injuries are truly devastating,"...
Costume Ideas For Every Family Member
Braden Hamelin, Staff Writer
October 25, 2017
Well dear readers, Halloween season is here, and along with it, the paralyzing anxiety of not knowing what to dress up as. Never fear, because today we're here find you and every member of your family the costume ideas to send you out looking like champions. For the more festive readers, some people will try to tell you it's not Christmas season yet, it isn't even near Thanksgiving, but no, don't listen to them. For you, it's always ...
Water Coolers Revisited: What’s next for Towson’s top source of refreshment?
June 6, 2017
Becky got a surprise promposal from her dream date. Danny scored the winning buzzer-beater shot in the big game. Jeff got a 1550 on his SAT! As the sun is begins to set over another school year, many students are reflecting on the many exciting events that happened during the past school year. Al...
Heroic Bystander Stops Banana Peel Ambush Outside Hillary Clinton Office
December 20, 2016
Similar to the satirical publication The Onion, The Kumquat’s goal is to enlighten via satire and humor. Last weekend, there was an attempted ambush outside of Hillary Clinton’s campaign office in Brooklyn, New York. A banana peel was spotted sitting on the sidewalk waiting for Hillary to pass b...
My New INSANE Weight Gain Program
December 20, 2016
As I walk through the halls of Towson High, I am constantly bumping into puny underclassmen with zero muscle mass, sending them flying into each other like bowling pins. What they need is my NEW SUPER INSANE WEIGHT GAIN PROGRAM EXTREME. I used to be a small little pip squeak. Now, I can’t stop getting...
Flacco for Pryor: A Good Move?
Braden Hamelin, Staff Writer
December 5, 2016
Similar to the satirical publication The Onion, The Kumquat’s goal is to enlighten via satire and humor. In a surprise move late Sunday, the Ravens have traded Joe Flacco away to the division opponent Browns for receiver and former quarterback Terrelle Pryor. Clearly unhappy with the subpar seaso...
Five Exceptional Halloween Costume Ideas
Nicholas Wynn, Staff Writer
October 30, 2016
Halloween is just around the corner, and many poor souls just can’t make up their minds on what to dress up as this season. If you’re one of these unfortunate individuals fret no longer! Here are five original costume ideas to save yourself from the trap of boring drab. ...
Best Mullets of Towson High
October 5, 2016
The mullet is undoubtedly the best hair style of the modern era. Nothing says “business in the front, party in the back” quite like it. Only a special kind of man is able to contain the great power and awesomeness of the mullet. So today, we are here to recognize the best mullets of Towson High. Nicholas Wynn It...
How far will the Ravens make it in this year's playoffs?
- Win it all (71%, 10 Votes)
- Wild Card (14%, 2 Votes)
- Divisional Round (7%, 1 Votes)
- Conference Championship (7%, 1 Votes)
- Superbowl (0%, 0 Votes)
Total Voters: 14
Loading ...Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors?
June 13, 2019
Why Time Management and Deadlines are Important
June 11, 2019
June 11, 2019
June 11, 2019
Top Five Summer Vacation Spots
May 31, 2019
Best Song Requests for Prom 2019
May 22, 2019
June 11, 2019
With the 2018-2019 school year ending, it means deadlines. Students don’t understand the importance of time management and prioritizing things. But it's not just school...
Best Song Requests for Prom 2019
May 22, 2019
Prom is one of the best times of year to show off your...
May 20, 2019
Every year since the beginning of our education, students...
Important Tips for Taking AP’s
May 14, 2019
AP season can be a very stressful time for students:...
