Top Five Summer Vacation Spots

Glenn Young

Similar to the satirical publication The Onion, The Artichoke’s goal is to enlighten via satire and humor. 



Why go on vacation to Aruba when you have these inexpensive and fun options right in your own backyard? 

5 Port Discovery

Want to relive some of your favorite childhood memories and discover how much you’ve grown? Squeezing through the exhibits meant for visitors three and under will remind you of your past for sure. You’ll get to reassure skeptical parents of your intentions, and this may even lead to a babysitting job. There’s nothing better than kicking back while being offered employment at the same time.  

 4 Grandma’s Basement

Your mother definitely will not want to accompany you on this one, so this is a win-win situation. Be ready to find treasures such as your own baby pictures, your mom’s baby pictures, your grandmother’s baby pictures, your great grandmother’s baby pictures. And and added perk will be that grandma will say you look to thin and she’ll cook for you. It should be a good time.   

 3 Summer School 

Missing the social aspect of school? No worries, summer school might be for you. Not only will you get to see your friends, but your teachers, too! Summer school is an underrated experience that has been growing in popularity among teenagers in recent years. However, you must act soon if you want to get in on all of the fun! If you let those missing assignments rack up in the core subjects, and fail all of your finals, you give yourself a better shot of making the cut. 

 2 The Hospital

There are so many perks of the hospital, so I’ll try not to gush too much before you get there so you can enjoy the surprises. Beds. Food. Getting to see your other friends who ended up there by breaking their leg or doing something irresponsible. Of course, the downfall is the bill, but you can avoid paying it by informing your parents of this vacation right as you’re about to leave. Also, some unnecessary antibiotics can never hurt. 

 1 The Dump

Looking for a scenic view with tons of free stuff all within a thirty-minute drive? The dump in Cockeysville is the place for your Instagram-worthy break from work. Dumpster diving is a new fad that involves taking items from the dump and restoring them to their original glory. You’re sure to get tan doing this at the dump, where there is no shade and plenty of opportunity for your next haul. Be sure to snap a picture to document this beautiful display of human waste before you head back home for the summer