In a landmark event, Towson principal Charlene DiMino and General Electric CEO Jeffery Immelt announced that the General Electric Corporation would acquire Towson High School at a news conference on Monday.

Principal DiMino explained that Towson High would be leaving the Baltimore County Public School System and will now be administered by the Fairfield, Connecticut based conglomerate. While DiMino will continue to act as principal, she will now answer to the GE Corporation and act as a board member.

It was further added at the meeting that Towson itself will greatly benefit from the acquisition.
“THS will not only receive a boost in funding but will also receive resources directly from GE,” Principal DiMino stated. Towson is expected to switch all fluorescent lightbulbs to GE brand BR30 Smart Bulbs. Further GE devices will be provided such as ovens, freezers, and surface to air missiles.

“Towson High will be a pivotal member of the GE family,” said CEO Immelt. “Our divisions – aviation, energy, appliances, and now this high school – will continue to lead the world in innovation.”

Immelt declined to comment on whether or not Towson High School would be run for profit but did suggest that other divisions of the school may be auctioned to other groups.

“Pfizer has expressed interest in both biology and chemistry classes and Time Warner may be leaning towards the announcements” he said.

In other news, Dulaney High School announced they had acquired controversial oil companies Exxon Mobil and Shell through a “hostile takeover.”