We’ve all heard a conspiracy theory or two. Aliens are contained in Area 51, the moon landing was a hoax, etc. You’ve heard them a million times and they’re beginning to wear thin.

“Where can I find amusing fresh conspiracy theories?” you cry. Well, you’re in luck. I’ve searched the darkest corners of the internet to find the craziest theories just for you.

Obama is a space-time traveler!

Admittedly this would be a pretty cool story if it were true. Unfortunately there’s no chance of that whatsoever. California students Andrew Basiago and William Stillings claim that president Barack Obama traveled through space and time to Mars.

President Obama- then obviously going by the name Barry Soetero – was supposedly part of a top secret government program involving teleportation to secret U.S. Martian base. His mission: communication with local aliens. Surprisingly, the students assert that the entire program was based at a community college. We can only hope CCBC is hiding a similar program.

The CERN Particle accelerator will be used to awaken Osiris!

This claim has little evidence even by conspiracy theory standards. While CERN, the Swiss particle accelerator, is mostly used for studying particle physics, theorists claim there is something more sinister afoot.

The story goes that the particle accelerator is secretly a portal to summon an ancient god, possibly Osiris. Confusingly the only evidence used by the theorists is the statue of the Hindu goddess Shiva near the CERN headquarters. How a Hindu goddess connects to an Egyptian god is anyone’s guess.

The Nazi Antarctic base!

There is actually a limited bit of reality here. Before World War II, Nazis led limited small scale explorations to outer Antarctic islands. However, this is only the tip of the iceberg. The theory is that at the end of the war, the Nazi top brass (possibly including Hitler himself) loaded gold and art into submarines and fled to the South Pole.

But wait! This theory gets nuttier. In their frozen base, Nazi scientists invented flying saucers and either A) engaged in an exhilarating battle with British and American forces which cumulated in the atomic bombardment of the Antarctic New Berlin base by Allied forces or B) continue to exist to this day. Where’s Captain America when you need him?

The moon is a hologram/hollow/alien spaceship!

Forget a faked moon landing – the whole moon is fake! Numerous shaky online videos and tinfoil hat wearers urge that the moon is either a hologram or a hollowed out base used by aliens to monitor earth. This section is rather short due to all evidence being posted on 45 minute long YouTube posts which no one wants to watch.

Our world is run by reptilian aliens!

Here we are. The big one. The crème de la crème of conspiracy theories. The theory that proclaims that the entire world is run by seven foot tall, blood drinking, shape shifting, lizard people from the Draco constellation.

Proposed by David Icke (who incidentally also came up with the idea that the moon was a hoax), this mother of all conspiracy theories warns that these aliens have been infiltrating our planet of thousands of years and were the founders of the Illuminati.

Twelve million Americans are positive that the planet is run by these aliens. They have masqueraded as every U.S. president, every British prime minister, every pope, and even Queen Elizabeth II. World leaders, business tycoons, media moguls, royalty, and celebrities are all members of this secret invading force.

No one knows when the reptilians will make their move. From the president to the local superintendant, we can only watch helplessly, unless of course you have your tin foil hat.