Best Mullets of Towson High

Best Mullets of Towson High

Michael Sassano October 5, 2016

The mullet is undoubtedly the best hair style of the modern era. Nothing says “business in the front, party in the back” quite like it. Only a special kind of man is able to contain the great power...

The Only Game You Should Ever Play

The Only Game You Should Ever Play

Adam Cines April 10, 2016

If you haven’t played Slime Soccer yet, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. It’s the game that’s taking Towson High School by storm and I’m here to give you to the tips and tricks you need...

Leonardo Winning an Oscar is the End of the World

Leonardo Winning an Oscar is the End of the World

Marcus Shaw March 20, 2016

The night of the Oscars was going according to plan until the winner for Best Actor was announced. The Academy issued an apology on February 29th the day after the Oscars were televised for the world...

Towson to Start Jousting Team

Towson to Start Jousting Team

Adam Cines and Patrick Hutson February 3, 2016

The finest Arabian stallions have been recently imported from the residence of the king of Morocco, confirming student suspicions that Towson High is creating its very own jousting team. For months many...

Towson Spirit Week

Towson Spirit Week

Adam Cines December 17, 2015

Medieval Monday – Hear ye, hear ye. Towsonne High Schoole will commence this here spirit week with students dressed in chain mail and steel caps. Joust with thy friends at lunch, but just don’t forget...

Common App to be Replaced

Common App to be Replaced

Adam Cines December 9, 2015

“The Common Application will soon be a thing of the past,” announced CEO Paul Mott on a live web conference from the company yacht last Monday. After hearing multiple complaints about how the college...

General Nathaniel Towson Appointed Secretary of Defense

General Nathaniel Towson Appointed Secretary of Defense

Patrick Hutson December 9, 2015

In a surprising cabinet reshuffle, President Obama has appointed local hero General Nathaniel Towson to replace Ashton Carter as the United States Secretary of Defense. President Obama explained that...

Towson High School to be Bought by G.E.

Towson High School to be Bought by G.E.

Patrick Hutson November 24, 2015

In a landmark event, Towson principal Charlene DiMino and General Electric CEO Jeffery Immelt announced that the General Electric Corporation would acquire Towson High School at a news conference on Monday. Principal...

Pope Francis Visits Towson

Pope Francis Visits Towson

Patrick Hutson, Adam Cines, and October 20, 2015

The Bishop of Rome, Pope Francis, made a surprise visit to Towson High School that was well-received by the local community. The Sovereign of Vatican City recently made the trek from Rome directly to...

Dallas Dance Named Third Most Powerful Person

Dallas Dance Named Third Most Powerful Person

Patrick Hutson October 9, 2015

Baltimore County Public Schools Superintendent Dallas Dance has been named the third most powerful person in the world, according to a Forbes Magazine ranking. “It’s an honor really, I didn’t...

Cafeteria to Begin Serving Wildebeest

Cafeteria to Begin Serving Wildebeest

Patrick Hutson September 23, 2015

In a move to bring uniqueness to school menu options, the Towson High Cafeteria will begin to serve wildebeest starting next week. The wildebeest, also known as the gnu, will be cooked in limited trials...

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