Dallas Dance Named Third Most Powerful Person

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Baltimore County Public Schools Superintendent Dallas Dance has been named the third most powerful person in the world, according to a Forbes Magazine ranking.

“It’s an honor really, I didn’t expect this to happen at all,” said Dance, who was listed behind President Barack Obama and Russian President Vladimir Putin as the most influential person on the global stage.

This is Dr. Dance’s first appearance on the Forbes Global Power Ranking, beating Pope Francis and other leaders in the measure of his influence.

“To be honest it’s a bit of a disappointment,” said Xi Jinping, the General Secretary of the Communist Party of the People’s Republic of China. “I thought I had it in the bag this year, but Dr. Dance deserves it. His administrative and leadership skills are truly beyond the capabilities of mere mortals.”

Not all world leaders expressed disappointment in the ranking. Germen Chancellor Angela Merkel and British Prime Minister David Cameron applauded the decision. “He really should have been number one this year,” Cameron later remarked.

Corporate leaders who also appear on the list also were pleased with the result. According to Bill Gates, the richest person currently living, Dance “has a distinct aura of power, and his presence is really felt across the globe.”

Across the planet, many celebrated what was described as an “abrupt change in the geopolitical and cultural landscape”. Many political scientists are predicting Dr. Dance to become the most world’s most powerful individual by at least 2017.

Despite his meteoric rise to power, it is likely very little will change for Dr. Dance. Aside from a globalization forum in Singapore, special guest status at the G20 summit, speaking before the United Nations, hosting Saturday Night Live, and a potential Nobel Peace Prize, Dr. Dance says his life will probably be “business as usual”.